Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
