just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
