Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
