there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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