You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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