I molested 6 butterflies tonight
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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