Plan B is the new Plan A
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
