I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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