I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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