They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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