I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
