I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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