Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
