I'm jealous of your bromance
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
