She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
