I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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