God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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