first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
