I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This baby is an asshole
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
