Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did i walk over a car last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
