I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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