Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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