Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
