haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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