1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
