I'm jealous of your bromance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
