You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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