His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
