Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
