Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
