It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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