I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize