Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
