actually, I'm a sock model
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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