who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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