let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
