my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize