He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
