i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
