Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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