His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
