my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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