I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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