I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
