I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
