i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
