afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i dont even know how to be here
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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