are you still at the devil's house?
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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