One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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