i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
