During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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