So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
