What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
