I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize