I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
