Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
