Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
