i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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