i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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