I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
