It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
