and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize