He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
